Sometimes I wander

 This guy his name is Joe, I call him Joe Schmo. He's just a friend and nothing more. He says to me that "all the nice girls are at home with broken hearts." Thats true. No matter how hard I try to get over it, it never fails that I continually barracade myself from the world only to wallow in my sorrow. Sometimes I find that being alone and just breaking down is the only thing that makes me feel better. Sometimes I wander if I'll ever get over it. I know that I'm happy and dont get me wrong I'm not holding on, Im simply trying to get over it and move on. But it feels as if that will never happen. I've never been so hurt in my life. Did you ever know the meaning of a "heavy heart" Well thats what I have. My heart is so big that all the grief and hurt makes it sad and heavy. And no matter how happy I am, my heart isnt any easier to carry. I'll continue everyday being me, being happy, loving, caring, living, and being free. But theres always gonna be that scar to remind me how bad i was hurt and even though its all healed up, sometimes if i move too fast, or I'm reminded of my past, It gets ripped open and bleeds everywhere and sometimes I wander if I'll ever get over it. People say time. Time my ass. It feels as if time only makes it worse. I think that if you really ever loved someone then you never ever get over it atleast thats how it is for me. But I'm young and I've only ever loved one person so what do I know. Well I do know that I dont fall in love over night, days, weeks, or even months. Love for me takes years. The only person that I ever loved has broken me  over and over again and yet I still believe and hope he loves me. I dont know whats wrong with me because I also believe that if he really truly loved me then he would treat me right. I keep making excuses for him and I know that nobody knows him the way that I do. Sometimes I wander why I place so much value on a piece of shit who doesnt deserve an ounce of love from a heart so great.But I can't help that he will always have a piece of my heart, Believe if I could erase him from my mind i would but i dont think i could ever erase him from my heart, believe me I've tried.....